Process to Health

I'm a slow processor.
And I kinda like to have stuff figured out before I start sharing about it. Not this time, I'm learning that sometimes it's good to share before I have the end result.

So, this is me sharing my not quite 'there' health process.

Before I go on,  I want to say that I have always been a big believer in "it's what's on the inside that counts" and "there is beauty in all shapes and sizes". That's not what today is about though. As much as those things are true, they didn't change how uncomfortable it was to be physically overweight. So, if you're reading this, please know my heart is for me to be physically healthy.

The health of my body got out of control.

I could blame having children, after all, it was when I was pregnant with Eli that I went totally nuts in the eating department. I won't though. The truth is, I wasn't prepared to live a body healthy life. What on earth does that mean? 

It means I was prepared to live a spiritually healthy life and a soulfully healthy life but the fact that my body was in decent shape was just pretty much by chance. As soon as my choices were put to the test (yes, when I was preggers), I just made one bad choice after another. Pretty soon I didn't really care at all and ate whatever I craved.

The moment I cared was when I had given birth to my adorable baby boy and no longer had a beautiful baby belly to take the focus. I cared about how my body looked and felt then quickly did something about the 60lbs I had gained. Then the yo yo game started. I would get motivated and make good choices when I would notice that my body wasn't looking and feeling the way I wanted it to and go on some kinda crash diet (all the while calling it a lifestyle change).

I often found when I was on the diets, I felt physically better even before I had lost the weight. I noticed the energy, how my tummy responded to food and even how clear my head felt. That wasn't enough for me to make changes that would stick though.

It took quite a while but eventually I looked in the mirror and said it.

"I hate you body."

Right now is probably a good time to say that this post wasn't easy to write. Feeling this way was shameful. I knew it was wrong. I just couldn't help it. I couldn't figure out how to love this body that was making me so uncomfortable. 
At that point I couldn't even figure out which crash diet to try next in order to lose the pounds I so desperately wanted to. I tried so very hard to think long term and would make changes in that mindset but they just wouldn't' stick and while I was "on track" it felt like all I could think about was the food I couldn't have and how much I wanted it. I spent time telling myself things like "do you want ice cream or to feel good?" The choice should be easy but it almost never was.

 I tried stuff like ...
exercise 

no sugar

no wheat

no dairy

no processed foods
calorie counting

you get it....but shortly after committing to it I would have a craving I just simply didn't feel like denying and there I was....right back into eating junk. To be honest, it was comforting. I also knew that was wrong.
Most of the time I didn't even feel bad about it. Until I was figuring out what to wear for an event or even church. I am so sad to say this but I have actually not gone to church because of how I felt in my own skin. 
Since I wasn't conquering this body issue I was having, I decided to simply ignore my body. After all, I did feel good about who I was on the inside and loved so many things about life. I thought if I could just ignore my body then I would be happy.

That's what I ended up doing - I ignored the problem. 
 It wasn't just how I looked, it was how my body reacted to certain foods.  Some stuff just doesn't agree with me, like dairy. But was pains in my stomach enough to keep me from eating ice cream when the craving came along (possibly 3 times/week), nope, it wasn't enough. 
I tried positive affirmations and that was pretty good. I began to tell my body nice things like "I love you belly because you gave me my beautiful children" or "I love you legs because you work and you take me places I want to go". It was good but just not enough. 

Finally the day came.

I gave up. 

I just totally and completely knew I could not do this healthy living thing on my own.
This realization felt horrible. 

It made me angry.

It made me ashamed.

It made me disappointed in myself.

It made me desperate to know how other people did it.
Then it made me angry again because I couldn't do it.

Instead of staying with all those feelings that giving up made me feel, I had a very honest conversation with God about all of it. I told Him "I give up, I need you". I may have had some angry outbursts in there somewhere but seriously, I really did tell Him everything.  All my negative thoughts and disappointments.
Then I surrendered my body to Him and asked Him for help....like a lot. 
I asked him to lead me in this journey. 
I even got brave enough to tell Him my hopes and dreams for my body.

That's when it all began.

My baby steps health journey.

God gave me small steps and one by one I incorporated them into my life. Now, 5 months later my daily choices look quite different. Some of the steps are focused on what goes in my body and some are focused on moving my body. Some took weeks to focus on before adding another step and some just days.

I haven't lost all the weight. I actually haven't even weighed myself to see how much weight I have lost. 

My number doesn't matter.

My choices matter.

Since making so many of these changes I no longer hate my body. I'm starting to feel the opposite. I feel like I'm learning what it looks like to love my body.

I'm thinking long term but just taking one day at a time.

Thank you so much for reading about my journey. If you can identify or have thoughts on this, please feel free to share them in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.

Am I leaving you hanging if I don't share the steps that God gave me? ;)

Promise I won't leave you hanging for long. Those details will be my next post! I'm excited to share that with you!

Make sure to "follow by email" so you get notified when I've posted part 2! 

Thanks for reading part 1! 

Much Love!

xo

Sue 

Follow me on Instagram to see some of the delicious meals I'm enjoying! @healthbysjb

My Right Now

Lots of change has been going on. I got married, moved and sent both my kids to public school and am still adjusting to it all. As if that wasn't enough --- My essential oil diffuser jewelry business Cedar & Honey, that I have been operating with a dear sweet friend Kari, is in the process of selling off inventory as we are closing shop. Kari and I both seek God's timing for all things in our lives and when we felt that it was time to close C&H, we felt it at the same time which happened to be when things were booming and really, when logic would say to keep going! For the Cedar & Honey lovers, there is good news! We're still selling jewelry, just in our separate shops. 

Kari will still be designing diffuser jewelry among some other lovely jewelry, essential oil and more! Check out here shop here

ETERNAL HEIRESS

Of course I am still selling jewelry but am now going to focus on my shop. I opened it a while back but didn't list product or do much of anything as I was focusing my time and energy on C&H. 

I've been loading up the shop with new designs and old faithfuls. Here are some Instagram shots I've been posting which by the way - you should come follow me there to see sneak peaks of what's coming for spring and some fun ways to style my jewelry. 

SEEN KNOWN LOVED Necklace

HAND STAMPED CUFF RING

HAND STAMPED CUFF BRACELETS

SWEETHEARTS TAG

BAR NECKLACES

MATTE AMAZONITE & STERLING SILVER STACK

HAND CHAIN

Thanks for your support friends!

Much Love! 

Sue

Your Everything

If you or better yet, a stranger took a good look at your everything, what would they say it means? 

Would it mean you're ...

fun

loving

creative

spontaneous

organized

generous

patient

passionate

a lover of the King?

I have had the phrase "everything means something" in my head for about a week now and it was just tonight when I asked myself and God, is it true? Do I believe that everything means something? 

I think it's good to know why we do what we do. 

If a complete stranger took my everything

my conversations

my actions

my use of time

my thoughts

& even

my prayers

what would they say my everything says about me?

what would they say your everything means about you?

As I'm writing these words, I feel challenged. I've decided I believe it. I believe that my everything means something and I believe your everything means something too.  

Everything, right down to the way I interact with the grocery store cashier....it all points to something. Certainly we are human and can not be perfect in character at every moment. However, I do have to ask myself how often I let the challenges of life get the best of me and start letting "my everything" point in a direction that I'm not meaning for it to. 

At any point, we can change the direction that our everything points to. ------->>>

xo

SJB

Salt & Light

Art by True Cotton 

Do you choose a word for the year? Or maybe a statement? Or a bible verse? What makes you choose the word that you decided on? It's a big commitment....one whole year of this one word being YOUR word.

Well I did choose a word this year, just as I have for the past 7 years. The first year that I chose my word it wasn't really me that made it all happen. Well, let me explain that. I was in the middle of some major life changes that were just all negative.

Side note - this is where I get unsure of how much of my mess to share.....after all, my mess isn't the point of telling the story but without letting you in at least a little, you won't see the full picture. *Sigh* Here goes nothing.

My marriage of 6 years along with all the dreams I ever hoped for (as far as I knew it) was coming to an end. I didn't have anywhere to live with my 2 year old munchkin. I had alienated myself and therefore didn't have friends around me. Thankfully my parents and I were in good relationship but they were living 3 hrs away trying to start a new life of their own. My living situation got figured out but the rest was still a mess. My heart ached and all I could think for months on end was "how did I get here".  I kept going over my big decisions, then my small decisions and everything in between wondering if that was where I went wrong.   

At some point while trying to figure out my life the new year came around. I was never one for new years resolutions but this year something had to change. I decided that I would choose one thing to change. The problem was, I didn't know what to choose. It seemed that so much had to change. I took it to the Lord.  He lovingly told me that I needed to decide where I want to go, what kind of mom I want to be, what kind of daughter I want to be, the kind of people I want to be around and the list went on. It hit me. I need to live with intention.

Intentional.

That was my very first word for the year. Everything I did and every decision I made was filtered through the lens of "is this living intentionally". I would ask myself, does this decision line up with the way I have decided I want to live? It was a lot of work and made me so very aware of where I had gone wrong. 

As you can imagine, living intentionally in the mess I had was a pretty big challenge so it was my word for about 4 years in a row. I guess that kinda makes it not really a "word of the year" but I loved the habit that started from letting "Intentional" be my word. I found myself automatically using that filter when making decisions. It was a new way of life and became much easier with time.

Two other words I had were FOCUS and FOLLOW. They also changed my way of thinking dramatically and I'm so grateful for the new filters that were put in my mind. 

This year I have been so busy with life changes that I hadn't thought about a work for the year at all. I did however find myself wanting to write out and hand stamp "Salt & Light" constantly. I was thinking on it and reading about it in the word as well. I guess God wasn't going to let me forget to choose this years word - He even chose it for me. 

When I've found myself thinking about what being salt & light means to me, I am quickly thinking about my boys and my husband. I want them to feel a ray of sunshine and a good taste in their mouth when they think of me and with every connection we make I pray that I can be their daily dose of salt & light. 

This little misshapen silver button pendant is coming out in my new collection February 1st! It is misshapen to represent that we don't have to be perfect to be salt and light. 

Jewelry by SJB

Thanks for reading friends!

OOOO <<<------- hugs! Love Sue

A Prank?

Last week I had this fun thing happen that was lead by Holy Spirit and afterwards found myself excited to share the story with you.  As I kept thinking about it, I decided that I would just wait because not everything that happens is for sharing. 

However, this morning during my worship time I felt that nudge to share the story from last week even though what I really wanted to write about was how my husband loved me so well this weekend. Maybe more on loving well another time. 

So, last week I was taking my youngest sweetheart out for lunch. Eli wanted to stay at school to play with his buddies. It was no big surprise that Ozias chose Wendy's to go to for lunch. As we walked in I saw there was 3 teenage boys in line. Right away they suggested we go ahead of them which was fine by me. As I walked in front of them I could feel my heart behind them. I can't describe exactly what that feels like. I think normally I would just forget about them the moment I'm in front of them but I didn't. I was fully aware that they were there and as I acknowledged that, I heard that still. small. voice. telling me to buy them lunch. I actually went ahead with finishing my order then the still small voice got much much louder. I was going to do it after hearing the small voice but when His voice got louder I have to say, I got excited to do it.

I settled Ozias into his seat which was pretty much beside the cash then I turned to the boys and said "Hi guys, order whatever you want off the menu. I'm going buy you lunch today." 

I honestly didn't expect them to do much except order and let me pay. Their reaction was so fun to see. One of the boys tried to give me a few dollars - all he had to pay for his meal. Another asked things like"Are you serious?" "For real?"over and over. He even went to order then turned to me and asked if it was a prank. The five of us, including Ozias laughed while I explained to them that I was absolutely serious and there was no practical joke happening. Once they realized that I was serious and began to order their food, there was a seriousness that fell over them and they began to thank me over and over and over and over. Once each of them had ordered and I was paying they were talking to each other and asking why a stranger would want to buy them lunch. The tallest boy was telling the others that it must be Karma and that either they did something good and this is their payback or now they must go do something good. Like a stern but loving mama, I turned to them and explained "This is a gift and I'm giving it to you just for being here in this moment. You didn't earn it and you are not in debt to me or this world for receiving it."

One of the boys just couldn't take it....he asked me "but why are you doing this?" 

The words quickly flew out of my mouth " because it's nice to have someone buy you lunch once in a while."

They continued pouring out thank you's and I smiled then sat to have lunch with my sweet boy who was enjoying his food and not paying much attention to the whole ordeal after the laughing was over. 

I sat there wondering what was God doing. He is always going deeper than we are and He is always doing more than we think when he asks us to do seemingly random things for others. I began to pray into what had just happened. I prayed that what God was doing would sink into their hearts and that they would later, in a quiet time reflect and know that it was their heavenly Father loving on them. Once I had started to think about what God may have been doing, I wondered if one of them or all three maybe needed to feel a mothers love or perhaps that feeling of being provided for. I'm ok with not knowing the details. Just getting to see those three teenagers turn into laughing, grateful boys was enough for me. 

OOOO <<<------- hugs from Sue

Adventure with Jesus

I want to share an adventure I had with God yesterday but first I want to share a bit of background. K?

I used to do something called striving. I did it a lot and with great intentions. I so deeply desired to be useful to God. I wanted to help change the world with Him. I used to do things like... 

...over think

...worry if it was His voice

...try to create God moments

...beat myself up for not doing enough

...spend more time thinking of how I can show others Jesus instead of loving Him myself

I think it's a common thing since those of us who grew up in the church often heard things like "who are you sharing Jesus with? are you being a good witness? we need to share the gospel." 

It's not that I don't believe in those things, I do. I just didn't know that the best way to do all three things is to know Him, know His ways and to know His heart. Ultimately, love Him.

By doing those things, you can't help but love the Father deeply.

It's all about loving Him.

I did know about Him and had experienced his love, grace and mercy and yet somehow I wasn't fully in love with Him. Now, when I think about my King one of three things happens, my heart beats fast and I need to catch my breath, my eyes fill with tears of joy or a big fat smile comes across my face, one that can't be peeled off easily.

I love Him.

So, yesterday while making some diffuser jewelry for Cedar & Honey, I was watching THIS video by Shawn Bolz. He reminded me of some beautiful truths that God had made very real to me in the last couple years. One of those truths is that we don't need to strive. We don't even need to be "on our game" to be used by God and to show others who He is. He shares some pretty awesome stories....but before you go watch Shawn's awesome video, first read my little story ;)

After getting all orders made I was off to the Post Office, a place where I've already adventured with Jesus. More on that HERE

I was feeling so refreshed and excited to boldly do something with God. Instead of planning a God moment, over thinking it or spending time thinking about how I can share Jesus, I simply told Him 

"I'm listening for you and want to adventure your way God".

Then I got in my car and went about my business.

I got to the post office and the regular woman that processes my orders was there waiting but she was missing her usual smile. I asked her how she was doing and she explained that she has had a debilitating headache for 4 days and is on a lot of meds to be able to be at work. 

I thought, ok good.....something to pray for. Before I said anything out loud about praying, I asked myself if I believed that Jesus could heal her. Then I asked myself if I believed that he wanted to heal her. 

Yes! & Yes!

He can and he wants to was my internal dialogue. I already know this as a fact but to think about it in the moment made it that much more real and personal to the one woman right in front of me. There were a couple people behind me in line and I felt that it wasn't the right moment to ask her if I could pray so once my packages were processed I went to grab something else I needed. I came back and she was standing behind her desk with no customers so I took my chance. 

This is what I did.

I told her that I am a Christian and that sometimes when I pray for people they get healed by God (<--- It's true, I've experienced healings or I would have just said that I believe He can heal her) and that I believe he wants to heal her head. Then I asked her if I could pray for her. I'm not sure I can quite describe her response. She was smiling so big and was clearly feeling the presence of the Lord, as was I. She was almost giddy when she said that she would like me to pray. As soon as I said that I would just pray right then and there, a customer walked up. She was clearly very uncomfortable and said that she better not let me pray while another customer was there. I told her that was ok because I was going to go to my car and pray for her healing. The excitement in her eyes was just beautiful! I would have stuck around but it was time for me to pick the boys up from school.

I walked away and could feel the presence of God so strong. Ha! He had already shown up! I began praying for her head right away and got excited at not only the healing work He wanted to do in this woman's body but also in her heart. I'm so overjoyed about the work that He has begun and can't wait to see this story unfold. 

There it was, right in the middle of my regular life - an adventure with Jesus.

Sometimes we make life with God more complicated than it needs to be. He isn't waiting for perfect moments with the perfect person. I didn't do anything special except tell my King, while in the middle of doing my stuff, that He has my ear and that I want to do things with Him. 

Maybe one day I'll sell all my possessions and move across the country to be a missionary or something super dramatic like that. For now, I'm going to focus on the mission field I'm in. 

OOOO <------- hugs from Sue

But first......time with Him.

I didn't want to hang out with God this morning.....I mean, I did but I had a list of other stuff that has to get done and was ready to start checking things off as soon as I dropped the boys off for school. 

For around 7-8 months before I got married I was getting up between 5-6am to spend my time with God. That did not come naturally for me and was something that God laid on my heart to do and when I did it, boy was it good! Spending that quality time with Him in the early morning changed my whole life. Some of the things that shifted and moved into place, I could have never guessed would happen due to my getting up extra early to be with God. He knew though. He always knows the good things that will come from our obedience.

Once I got married everything changed, including the time that I would spend with God. I wanted to continue to get up at 5am to be with the Lord but it just wasn't happening for various reasons so the time I felt on my heart to be with God was after dropping the boys off at school. It makes sense that He would ask for my first available quality time. 

For some reason this morning I woke up excited about the things I wanted to get done today and just kept thinking about it while getting the boys ready and off to school. As I drove home I suddenly remembered that my first available quality time was already reserved for Jesus. My next thought was, oh no, what if He wants me to do something different than what I already have planned for my day. What a silly thought, right? I mean, if the King of Kings who loves me more than anything and always wants what is best for me has a different plan than I do, I should jump for joy and get excited to hear what He has planned for me. 

Nope.

I didn't feel that way or think those things. I did decide that I would stick to my commitment and start on my 'to do' list after my time with God. 

The sun is shining bright this morning and in our living room we have two huge windows that take up almost the whole wall. So with the glowing sun beaming in, I turned on my worship music starting with Ever Be. Friends, the moment I lifted my hands in praise my own desires began to fall away. I didn't hope for that or even expect it. I actually planned on worshipping, praying then getting on with my day, my well planned day. I wanted to get those things on my list done for two reasons but my motivating reason is that it would feel good. 

As I began to pray and tell the Lord that I want my hearts desires to be one with His, I felt joy and a delightful lightness which I'm sure was better than I would feel after getting my whole list checked off. Isn't God just so good!? 

His plan is always better than our plan. Always. Even when it doesn't make sense. Actually, especially when it doesn't make sense. 

Each morning I come to the Lord asking Him to fill my cup to overflowing. I physically cup my hands together and raise them up, then I wait. Often times I think about how there is only so much room in my hands. If it's filled to overflowing with love, hope, patience, grace, mercy and joy then there isn't much room for anger, spite, frustration and other negative things. I want His goodness to push out all the negative fleshly stuff that might get into my day.  I'm always in need of more grace, patience and understanding for my family and each person I cross paths with in a day. 

I want to encourage you to give some quality time to God in your day, not because it's a rule and as Christians we need to follow the rules but because He is so good and on the other side of that quality time with Him, there is goodness and freedom. 

God did change my day today and as much as I thought I would be frustrated not getting stuff done, I'm sitting here feeling great about sharing my heart with you.  

^^^^^ HE > I ^^^^^

Less of me, more of you God.

Now I'm gonna go make some jewelry!

I love you friends, thanks for reading.

OOOO <----- hugs from Sue